Stig Of The Dump

12 May 2016

Rob and I have been refurbishing our house since January.  We both have discovered new skills we didn’t know we possessed. I can fill a skip in lightening time. Rob can un-fill the skip just as fast. 

Rob is Chief Skip Monitor. A role he has embraced with vigour. With the title came great power. All the household waste I throw away has had to be reviewed and only allowed entry to the skip by authorisation of Rob. Nothing can go in the skip if it can be burnt, recycled, flogged on eBay or given to the homeless. Everything I chuck out has taken part in Rob's wonderful new game as he takes each and every bit of tat on its own personal journey of "in the house, in the skip, in the garden in a pile, to back in the skip, sometimes back in the house".

Rob is becoming annoying. 

B&Q should reassess their signposting.

Paint Aisle: Ladies and gents, on your left you will find an operating table where you can donate a lung to sell to pay for the very expensive ‘Farrow and Ball’ paint aptly named ‘drain pipe’ which is where your hard earned cash is going down.

Wallpaper Isle: The place for husbands and wives to realise they have no similar tastes in décor.

Hardware Isle: Lots of lovely hard, spiky, tin and metal items available for you to stand on throughout the night as you stumble to the loo whilst living in your temporary nuclear testing site.

Power Tool Isle: The place to buy lots of unnecessary loud and noisy items to never be used and store in the Garage.

Seriously embarking on a house renovation is the toughest test on any marriage or Family life.  Rob has suddenly discovered he has "an opinion"... not sure how that happened!!!  

So as we near the end what have we learnt:

  1. We will not renovate again.
  2. Dried on Weetabix thrown by Frankie is a good substitute for cement.
  3. No Nails when stood on accidentally will stick your foot rigidly to the floor.
  4. All builders drink tea with two sugars.
  5. Frankie is half human and half metal detector and will always find the left over offending screws and nails that are scattered around the house.

After all the mess, Summer not far away and now we can completely forget the inside of our house and enjoy the Garden!

Enjoy the sunshine everyone.

Kind Regards,

Sue xx 

(Managing Director of Evolution Childcare)


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